Gratitude
by ibelieveinguardianangels
Summary: Hotch learns the true meaning of gratitude. Warnings inside. One-Shot. COMPLETE.


**The grammar in this story isn't brilliant… it's written that way intentionally. WARNING: Cancer (not specifically detailed, but the entire story is based on it). This is Alternate Universe – please forgive any out of character behaviour. **

**Thank you so much for reading. **

**This writing style is new to me, so please let me know what you think of it. **

Gratitude 

He knew.

He knew as soon as he found the lump.

He didn't need the doctor to confirm it, but he did anyway.

Cancer.

It was treatable, he said. Surgery and radiotherapy followed by yearly checks but they were confident that they could completely remove it.

Despite the good news, he felt tears leap to his eyes and cursed himself for not having better control of his emotions.

He'd have to take time off work... to recover.

Strauss would have a field day with that information. She was always looking for a reason to try and usher him out of his job at the BAU.

He'd have to tell his team.

Tell them he was sick. It was cancer.

How would he tell Jack? He knew that little boy worried so much even if he didn't always say anything. He'd hear that word, that dreaded C word, and believe he was losing his daddy like he lost his mommy and he was too emotional to explain it convincingly.

He somehow held it together in the doctor's office, managing to get home and lock his door before falling to his bottom behind it and sobbing, his legs pulled up to his chest.

He needed to call Sean.

And his mom.

And Jessica. But she had Jack. And the news would upset her and Jack would want to know why and he wasn't ready to tell him, yet. He didn't know how!

But he pulled himself together, going to work the next day after booking an emergency appointment with Strauss. He was surprised he held it together through the meeting with her. And he had to admit a tear had escaped when she'd promised him, sincerely, that his role as Unit Chief would be waiting for him when he got back.

And his team... they'd taken the news exactly as he expected. JJ and Emily hugged him. Derek and Dave slapped his shoulder with promises that they were on the end of the phone should he need anything. They'd keep everything afloat here why he was away. They wouldn't let the BAU sink. Penelope and Spencer cried, though Spencer tried so hard to control it. _He_ hugged them.

Jessica had cried, too. But she'd promised she'd take care of Jack until he was back on his feet. And Jack, as expected, had clung to his daddy and they had cried together. But daddy was going to be okay, Jessica assured the little boy, the doctor's were going to get rid of his sickness and then he'd go back to being daddy again. But for now Jack was going to stay with her, he could visit whenever he wanted, the door was always open, but right now he needed to focus on himself and his own recovery.

The team were true to their word, but he didn't expect anything else. Derek and Dave worked their asses off to keep the BAU running smoothly and, after his surgery, Emily practically moved into his flat so she could keep an eye on him and monitor his recovery. Despite his protestations.

When he was hit by his reality again, Emily held him in silence, stroking his hair and letting him cry. He needed it, she'd said afterwards. Because he spent so much time being strong. It was time for him to let them be strong for him for once.

Penelope visited often, but the sight of him in lounge clothes, in pain and tired was too much for her and she often left in tears and full of apologies. He forgave her. The girl wore her heart on her sleeve. She felt everything so strongly.

Spencer had given him books to keep his mind occupied, but he had to admit he'd taken to Vonnegut after Emily had brought a novel around for him to read.

Jack had visited too, but daddy couldn't play with him and he didn't quite understand. He forgave him, too. He was just a little boy. He shouldn't be watching his daddy go through this. He held him tight and they watched movies and he let him eat junk food and candy until he was almost wild with sugar rush. Jessica forgave him.

Dave and Derek also visited; they updated him about the state of the team. He mentioned thoughts of leaving. To spend more time with his son. They shot it down. He'd feel differently when he was better, they said. He wasn't sure.

But they were right. And when he returned to work when his incisions had healed he remembered why he did this. But he made a point of going home early every night. Five o clock on the dot. He needed to cuddle his little boy.

Many tears had been shed during his recovery, but the worse was at Haley's graveside. She should be here. She should be helping him. She should be holding her son and promising him repeatedly that daddy was getting better Jack and soon he'd be able to play again. But for now, Jack, you'd just have to deal with cuddles and movies and stories.

He let his son share his bed now. They'd been trying to get him to sleep alone. It wasn't Jack who was reliant on the comfort. He needed to hold his son in his arms and remind himself through the nausea and the pain and the exhaustion why he was fighting.

He was getting to the end of his treatment now. And the team was happy to welcome him back to work full time. But there was an incident where he'd broken down on the plane in front of his team. He wanted his son. He wanted to go home. Emily had sat beside him, holding his hand. JJ had brought him a glass of water and a trashcan when his tears brought along nausea. And Dave promised him that once they landed he could go home. They'd get the pilot to fly him.

The next case away had been better. There'd been no tears. He'd missed his little boy but they'd FaceTimed and daddy had promised Jack he'd be home safe. He didn't leave the PD except to interview the family. He made good on his promise. Jessica welcomed him when they landed, offering to give up her bed so he could stay.

He took the couch instead.

Dave had sat him down. Asked him if he wanted to be here. Did he want to take a desk job instead? He didn't. He'd get back to his old self. He had to. For Jack's sake. His separation anxiety would impact the boy if he wasn't careful. But the thought of being away from him had him in tears once again. Dave said nothing, only placed a supportive hand on his shoulder until he'd calmed down.

He got there eventually. Weekends with Jack made it easier. The team didn't question his new routine. Case over or not, he would ALWAYS fly home to collect his son on the Friday night. They didn't mind.

They understood. Even JJ, who he felt had every right to be jealous, didn't say a word. And they were capable of catching the UnSub without him.

Emily or Penelope would ring with updates. Or to check on him. He wasn't sure which, but he appreciated it anyway.

And Jack liked his time with his daddy.

And Jessica enjoyed the weekends to herself. She'd even found herself a boyfriend.

And the team proved they could work without him if need be. It helped his anxiety.

And he healed. And he recovered.

And his relationship with his son flourished.

And he knew he couldn't wish for more than his family.

All of them.

Dave, Derek, Emily, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Sean, Jessica, Jack.

And Erin Strauss.

He wiped away a tear as he stared down at the sleeping boy on his chest, the team (including Strauss) in a group video call with Jessica and her boyfriend.

And he knew, no matter what choices he made for his personal life, that everybody would have his back.

And he couldn't be more grateful.

**Thank you, again, for reading. **

**I didn't specify what kind of cancer was included in this story. It was written with Testicular Cancer in mind. You may read it as you wish. I'm interested to see what other people thought of with so please feel free to let me know! **

**Please review and tell me what you thought of the story. **

**ibelieveinguardianangels**


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